I'm soo lost

Hey it's Ryo back in the house,
and this time I know it's really been some time since my last post.
Well... One of the reason is I'm busy AND lazy at the same time.
I just don't feel like updating at all, and if I'm back now means I'm kinda down again.
Because from what I read is always negative stuff when I feel like writing.
I don't really wanna update what I did these past weeks or month cause is all the same,
nothing really special with my schedule.
Work, eat then sleep.
On my off day always rot at house then in the evening when to Tesco to see the girl until they finish work.
Yeah I know, lifeless...
The only things that is quite colorful now is whenever I see her.

The thing now is... I'm lost...
When I first started to chat with her through Wechat she reply me always even she don't know what to say in the end.
And I always send her Good morning and nights greet EVERYDAY.
Then one day she told me to stop sending all these things because it's weird.
Obviously she knew I was going after her I believe I mean...
Who will greet you morning and night EVERYDAY right unless that person is interest in you...
That time one of my friend actually advise me to stop being aggressive, I ignore and in the end,
she started to ignore my text...
I actually super regret at the moment but I'm the one at fault.
Since then I start to slow myself down, I stop my greets,
only find her when I have something to talk about.
And I actually playing a Otome Game...
Obviously is just to find some common topic so I could talk to her.
This actually repair the hole that I previously made, but the hardest part is here.
I can't make our distance go closer...
I felt there's a wall now, even though we seems to be closer than before but I reach my limit...
The wall she made is still there and I can't break it at all...
I believe if I could break this wall our relation will get even close but there seems to be no hope now..
Which is why I'm lost right now...
I know I like her, you see I don't wanna use "love" because I'm not there yet.
I wanted to be with her, to touch her, to protect her, to make her look at me but...
It just doesn't work...
She only sees me as her friend, I can't climb over this wall at all...

But the strange part is the one I previously goes for,
we're super close compare to last time, we can talk almost everything right now.
I guess that time she's avoiding me to make me stop and one I stop,
she started to let go her guard and really befriend with me...

But the only I can do is to follow the flow I guess,
if she's mine I believe in the end she'll accept me...
But if in the end she doesn't I just hope I could let go of her and be one of her best friend.
To support her and stuff...

Enough ranting and I'm off again.
I can't even tell when will be my next post cause I just don't feel like it anymore nowadays..
Maybe my next post will be how will we turn out,
as a couple? As bestie? or as stranger....
I don't really want the last option....
Well then, time to go..,


Well then, stay tune people!!


I hope that the world will be always in peace..

Trip to Japan and random shit

Hey what's up,
it's 2018 and finally here is my first ever post.
I'm just too lazy to update lately, first of all because of my job and to be honest I don't really have  time to update...
Everyday after work still have to face the laptop and do reports,
and I don't even have time to watch anime lately...
I actually miss a lot in this new season, I have a lot in my watch list but in the end I only manage to watch 2-3 series.
I guess I update a bit of my Japan trip then.

My first trip to other country and it's JAPAN GODDAMMIT!!
Flew on 27th January and came back by 2nd January, 6 days trip over there.
This trip mainly focus on Tokyo and only a few places I manage to visit.
Of course my main reason for this trip is for Comiket (Comic Market)
The biggest ACG event in Japan and even the whole world.
I finally witness what is the crowd, where you can't even walk properly or even stand properly.
The brave cosplayer who can stand the cold while wearing less fabric outside the venue and what's worst is raining in a 0 degree temperature, applause for those warrior.
Queue overnight for the event under 2-4 degree in the midnight, walk an hour trip from hostel to the venue in the midnight.
Looking at those R-18 doujin everywhere look it's very common but it IS common to them I guess, though I actually get myself a few books...
All these things I finally get to experience myself.

Then Akihabara trip to those second hand ACG goods shop.
It doesn't feel like visiting second hand shop cause how they wrap the goods it actually looks brand new.
But of course Japanese really know how to take god care of their stuff,
and those figures, books, DVD, and some other stuff, most of them after they bought it they just keep it the way it come to their collection,
and I learn to keep it inside the box after I bought it as well, right now I can actually build a Madoka and Ranka shrine.
And a whole floor surrounded by Adult Video DVD like literally,
I mean the whole floor only have AV DVD and some adult tools.
I went to Akiba on my second day and last day in Japan.

Other than these i visited Shibuya, Ikebukuro, Shinjuku, Nakano Broadway and a few more places.
Most of these is tourist spot, just for some photo shooting. So nothing much to mention actually.
So I guess I finally achieve one of my dream, to visit Japan.
Even though I'd achieve but I tell myself I'll definitely visit again in the future!
Of course I'll save a lot of money this time and one thing is I can't let the other knows cause it'll only bring trouble for myself.
Cause I finally understand helping people to get stuff in Comiket will only make myself busy,
I mean I don't have time to actually enjoyed myself, to get stuff for others and to queue for them...
In result I don't have time to walk around the venue...

That's all for my trip to Japan.
It actually still have a lot to write but I already forgot...
And if I forgot which means it's not that important right?
Nah, I'm just getting old, a lot of stuff I started to forget.
And after I came back from Japan a lot of SHIT happened in my working area.
I mean dafaq guys, can't I even relax a bit after my happy trip?

And one of my bestie actually got herself a boyfriend,
congratulation girl, I mean you finally let go of the past and find yourself a new happiness,
I really glad to hear that.
While the other girl I guess she's pregnant and going to marry soon, WOW I'm kinda surprise.
While myself here still chilling around,
one thing is that I'm 26 this year, not that I'm envious of others but sometime I kinda want to experience those too.
Of course I won't randomly find a girl, right now I have the one I wanted to impress but as usual it's not an easy task.
Well let see how will this things end up in the future, I don't wanna force myself and just let the time do their jobs.

I guess I just stop here this time.
I don't know when will my next update be but no one even reading this right.
And I have an annual dinner next week so maybe I update after that?


Well then, stay tune people!!


I hope that the world will be always in peace..

My last post of 2017? Random diary and random bullshit

Hey it's Ryo back in the blog!
It's been a month or 2 months since my last post.
First of all I'm very busy because a lot of things in real life need to prepare and done.
Secondly to be honest I'm just kinda lazy to post stuff....

Let's see lately if is about my love story well...
A lot of shit happened past few weeks, something happened and I kinda decided to give up.
And in the end go for the other girl, but still nothing good happened.
Cause in the end every girl I had a crush on already have someone in their mind,
even though is impossible for them but the same goes for me as well.
Kinda got into friend zone with this girl cause she said let just stay as best friend,
and since that I try to not think too much bout this.
I just try my best to treat her as a friend. it's not easy but I just try with all my might.
I know I'm just trying to comfort myself by saying this but no one knows what's gonna happen in the future so just let the time flow natural I suppose.

This year December is kinda different from the past December,
I met a lot of new people and friends, in the end there's two people birthday this month which I'm close with them,
So actually bought two gift for two of them and ordered custom cake from Sam's girlfriend.
It actually cost me a lot to be honest... Both cake and gifts.
Went for karaoke for the first girl which is the one that I had a crush on right now,
It's her 21st birthday so I try to make it very special for her.
Since she like nugget a lot and I mean A LOT, I tried to make a custom cake of actual nugget for her.
From what I saw she like it a lot for both the nugget cake, anime character custom cake with Trafalgar from One Piece since she love this character and a Trafalgar figure for her gift.
For the second girl which I had a crush on previously,
I only know she love cute stuff so a Totoro custom cake and a plushie for her gift. But we went to a buffet style Shabu Shabu so yeah it still quite costly in the end.
I guess this is my first time paying out this much for my entire life.

Then there's Christmas celebration for the office, need to buy a gift which cost more than RM50 for the gift exchange event.
I got myself a plushie while I gave away Atomy's face cleanser...
A fair trade in a sense? Even though I'm not really satisfy but at least the plushie is cute.

What really change about me is that I'm starting to play piano again,
even though I can't tell how long it last this time.
But the main reason for me to start piano again is just to play a Happy Birthday song in a very romantic style for her,
and that is also the time I got friend zoned by her...
But in the end I'm still playing now cause I know I really like the sound of piano.
It always heal and cheers me up whenever I'm down.

Then lately I've been skipping anime...
By skipping I mean I'm really skipping, I don't feel like watching any anime except for some which I really want to follow.
Then I rather use the time to play piano or go for movie, of course, by movie she's around as well.
Just one thing it kinda hurt me is that she's afraid of me,
she doesn't want to sit beside me in the cinema cause... she's afraid of me?
She just said I treat her too good and this cause her to afraid of me...

Then just today a whole lot of work drop to every trainer in my team.
Need to do extra work nowadays compare to last time...
Thanks to the new trainer supervisor from HQ, everyone dislike you man, congratulation!!
All these things really took away my time for anime...
So the next season I'll really filter out those that I don't really want to watch.

So I guess that's all for now,
it's already 1.11 AM right now and I have no idea what I want to write anymore.
I'll stop here for now and until the next time I update.
Even though I really have no idea when will be the next update...
But most probably it's next year we meet cause is 9 days to 2018 and 4 days to my trip to Japan!!
YEAH!!!!
So that's all for now...


Well then, stay tune people!!


I hope that the world will be always in peace..

My 25th birthday celebration!

Hey it's Ryo here back in the blog.
Yeah it's past my birthday about 10 minutes ago and I do say I will be back by today or yesterday.
So I had a quite wonderful birthday experience this year.
Not to mention is also because the girl I like is celebrating for me,
of course along with other.
But I'm still glad she inside the group.

Let's see....
Okay so yesterday we had me, Tesco crew Sajalie, Ice, Shirley and an ex colleague Rizki with my friend Jeremy and a really special guest Kayla.
I mean SPECIAL GUEST cause it's a year since we last contact.
But to be honest she change quite a lot compare to last time, the way she talk and her topic and such.
Anyhow it's okay cause we can still chat and ask about our life and stuff.
So we went to D' Fortune at Menjarala Kepong.
I'm not eating cause first I'm still in my diet and second, I ate some before I went out.
Everyone was eating either chicken chop, pasta and some drank some beer.
After about 11.30 the cake comes out, and I never expect they bring cake as well tbh.
I'm really happy and grateful from the bottom of my heart.
So I'm gonna say thanks again here even though none of you will actually read my shit.
But I felt bad as well in the same time cause I neglected all of the Tesco crew.
I mean yeah I never seen Kayla for a year at least so we have quite a lot of thing to talk bout,
but neglecting them and what worst the girl I like, I felt super bad...
Even though in the end she laugh a lot and I'm really glad for that...

Nothing happen today even though is exactly 16 but I had enough fun yesterday so who cares right?
I mean there're people who willing to celebrate for you is more than enough.
And here I really wanna say thanks to Sajalie again as well.
Cause he create a chance for me to go out with her,
even though I just bring her to Aeon Rawang to get some gift for her friend,
and what worst is during working hour...
but I believe this is a chance for me to raise her affection towards me.
I don't know how well or bad it'll turn out as but wish me luck guys!
I'll try not to waste this opportunity!
And right now both Tesco crew know that I like her so yeah,
I can only say I'll try my best and well... let God do His thing as well...
No matter what the outcome is, I just have to accept it and hope even she reject me in the future,
we can still be friends.

Okay I guess I just have to stop here...
I try to come back by Saturday to post about the outcome of the outing with her.
I really hope nothing bad will happen that day...
or I should say this plan can still be carry out cause it's her off day tomorrow,
she can just like ask her mum or dad to bring her out anytime if she wanted to..


Well then, stay tune people!!


I hope that the world will be always in peace..

11.11 IS A POCKY DAY for me!!

Hey sup Ryo is back again,
It's 11.11 today in Chinese culture they say is 光棍节 (Guang Gun Jie)
It's a day for those who are single because 1111 but to me,
is ポッキーの日 which mean Pocky Day!
Is a Japan culture to celebrate Pocky Day, and I'm following this culture instead of Single Day.

Yeah and is also a big day for OPPO because it's a launching day for F5.
So instead of my usual Saturday routine I went to the shop with the most pre order to help them.
Even though I only help with taking photo and most of the time stand there like a stone..
And to be honest I did nothing other than taking photo cause after the morning session,
taking photo of those who pre order past few days come to collect their phone today,
the crowd, a photo of SR with customer and etc..
Then after that went for lunch, tea time, chit chat and dinner...
Oh I even got myself a birthday gift which is Project Diva X HD for PS4!
I know I don't have much time to play as well but who cares..
Also got a gift from my cousin Simon a Rolex watch, he said he got it from some black market..
and I actually have no idea whether this watch is original or fake but who cares right?
As long as is a watch and is usable that's all I care.

And for my story goes on, I think I again approach too tight.
Well text her a few time and got ignored, even though is normal but it still hurt sometimes..
I mean hey, I'm a human as well and who likes the feeling of gotten ignore right?
I really wanted to ask some advice from other girl but no one I can really ask..
She ignore my text and won't even like whatever I post on social media,
but when I meet her she'll talk to me like as usual..
Yeah I believe most of the people will tell me either she feel bad if she ignore me when I meet her,
or she feel awkward if she ignore me something like that.
Is obviously that she doesn't dislike me as a person but she also couldn't like me as a guy.
She just treat me as a friend.... FRIENDZONED!!!
Sigh.... yeah my love story always ended up like this...
Even though I haven't confess or anything but this is most likely the ending for this chapter..
Same pattern as usual....

Oh well, let's stop there.
Another 5 days to my big day, kinda expecting but not really expecting at the same time.
Most of all what I expect the most is on Wednesday,
where the Tesco crew say they'll celebrate for me,
but is always like when I'm expecting too much things in the end the plan will sink..
So which is why I don't really dare to expect much as well this time,
cause the more I expect the more I'll be sad IF the plan couldn't go well..
So yeah, Happy Advance Birthday to myself first and I'll come back either on Wednesday or Thursday!!


Well then, stay tune people!!


I hope that the world will be always in peace..

Random diary of 5th Nov

Hey people sup it's Ryo in the house again
This time I'm back for quite fast, 5 days?
While I'm saying most probably the next time I'll be back with some heartbreaking news,
But no, not yet, I actually hope it won't... But no one can tell what the future will hold right?

Yeah F5 pre-order has start and these few days is literally shit for me...
A ton of shit need to deal EVERY SINGLE FxCKING NIGHT!!
I'm not complaining really, just that need to type it with word to release a bit of stress..
While I only need to key 2x information of the customer who pre-order,
I'm super pity of my colleague who need to key 17x information... I mean...
2x took me like 15 minutes? I really can't imagine how much time need to take to key 17x...
At least still 5 more days to go of such days... And I'm having headache for 2 days and even now...
And it's a whole new Monday tomorrow after skipped meeting for almost 1 month...
I just hope tomorrow will be a good day.

While for my story of a little love story of mine,
I'm still trying my best, sometime she reply but still ignore my text most of the time.
I don't know really, what's my chance of success now? 20%? 30%? or 10%?
If is from text she's quite cold but if I see her she doesn't seems that cold to me, I guess?
I guess is just all my imagination huh.

Anyway 10 more days to my big day!
Those girl included my crush said they wanted to celebrate for me and ask what I want to eat?
Or karaoke they said, but I don't know.
I just let them and time to decide cause what I want now might won't be the same by that time..
But I'm really happy that they have this intention.
Well... It's time for me to off again.
I hope the next time I'm here I won't be sad or other negative emotion.


Well then, stay tune people!!


I hope that the world will be always in peace..

Oppo F5 mobilization, I expose myself and 16 days to my birthday!!

It's exactly 10 days since my last post so what's up people?
Is Ryo is the house again here writing his good o days.
A lot of things and event happened these past few days.

First of all, is OPPO F5 Mobilization event yesterday! Had a great time yesterday, really had fun yesterday, but what I didn't expect is I actually fell sick yesterday and not even fully recovered yet now.. Felt so cold right now while I'm writing this post. But still even though is quite busy but I still had a lot of nice time yesterday night, drank quite a lot and now coughing non stop as if I almost cough out blood... One of the SE is resigning so almost as if the event is held for him to give him a farewell party. And what surprise me is I actually confess who I like to my friend inside the car after the event when driving back to Rawang and another friend through WeChat.. I'm so drunk yesterday..

Even though the girl, Ice didn't tell her anything but this topic suddenly pop out to them today, cause Ice told me that she told her that I might be chasing after her... Everything I did is too obvious.. And which is why she choose to ignore my text most of the time and sometime when I offer to buy some food to them she rejected my offer... So yeah.., Obviously she doesn't want to accept my good intention.. Cause as I said in the last post she like another guy which is the same team as me, a trainer.. Even though she doesn't has chance with the guy and neither do I have a chance with her... Even though I didn't confess anything but it turn out to be very awkward when I visit them this evening.. I actually don't know what to say to her and things turn out to be super awkward when Ice ask me why I didn't talk to her when I visit them..

But I actually felt a bit relieve and happy when Ice text me about when she know I'm chasing after her, cause in the text Ice actually feel sad for me when she say "which is why she doesn't reply to my text" and "which is why she doesn't want me to buy food for her" cause for these two phrase she put a sad and cry emoji to it. And which is why I felt happy that someone actually felt sad for my sake.

Yeah after 25 years of being single and still going on, and here I hope that I can get someone I like and experience some love live but well, I guess my time really hasn't come at all yet.. Even though I haven't confess my feeling yet but this feeling of mine will most probably sink down to the bottom of the sea again.. I should put some distance from her for the time being.. And if things got settle down I might try to confess to her and well... Get reject and got myself hurt again..

And it's November which mean my birthday is coming again! Yeah! But I'm kinda too old for this to be honest.. Last year I chose to hide my birthday in my Facebook for some childish reason to see who actually remember my birthday, but it turned out to be just my family member and some very close friend of mine..I'm still happy that time, and I'm really thankful to them.. This year I'll continue to hide and see how many wished I could get when the day come... But of course I hope I could get a good wish from the one I like now haha.. Childish me...

Okay then, I don't know when I'll be posting again but two more days I'll be visiting her again so I just hope things won't get awkward again like today.. Or I won't be able to see her ever again..


Well then, stay tune people!!


I hope that the world will be always in peace..