Team Building Dinner and some random pile up diary

It's Ryo here back with his stories or bullshit should I say.

It's been two weeks I'm off I think, but suddenly feel like writing it so yeah that's why I'm here now writing about shit again.

Just came back from a team building dinner but with SE and SR this time, unlike always with my own trainer team.

I admit I had a fun time there, a lot of laughter and chit chat and stuff. 

After everything sent two SR back home but the journey is kinda quite, cause two of them is not that close so one of it played her phone in the back while the other beside just well, looking at outside?

Was trying to make some atmosphere but I guess I'm really suck at this, in the end the whole journey is very quite and peace. 

After I sent one home, the SR in the back only start to talk. Hmm.... I guess I really need to improve my skill of creating some nice atmosphere even though there are people who doesn't know each otehr or not too close in my car.

Other than that yesterday went to KLCC with my mum, sis and mum's friend to find my another sister who work there as a promoter of a Japanese green tea. I must say the tea is superb! of course is very expensive... But manage to meet her boss there which is a Japanese from Kyoto, had a conversation with him in Japanese but wow... It's not easy at all.... I manage to understand that he said but I couldn't really talk well to him. I mean I know he could understand what I'm saying but I know I'm talking very broken Japanese. This I really must improve, at least to a point where I can have a proper conversation with Japanese in the future. After the trip of KLCC went to a Korean Cafe at Sungai Buloh, let my mum tries their coffee there.

Last Wednesday just went to a Bak Kut Teh restaurant which my mum's friend open early in the morning, then watched American Assassin with my mum and sis. Yeah.... Nothing really speacial or worth to mention for last week.

Working life as usual nothing special happen for now, though a lot of rules pop out but really nothing worth to mention anyway. But lately been chatting with one of the SR. Trying to teach this SR English since this SR is not very good but hey, at least this SR is trying very hard to learn and I'm really happy that this SR really giving all her best to learn. But I don't know man... Somehow there's this special feeling toward this SR, but I don't really want to think too much about this first for now. I mean I manage to forget the feeling about her already, nowadays whenever she post thing with her boyfriend I actually smile and felt happy for her. I'm glad that this boyfriend of her really treat her well. And I hope that their relationship can last forever.

Right now I try not to think too much about love feeling, cause it's always those that I like they had someone i their mind already, or someone they like. It's not always my turn. Yeah I know cause this just mean that she's not my chosen one, but I really don't know, I mean for the previous girl is like thunder strike, it comes and goes really fast. Maybe it just mean that I learn from my past and I'm mature in this feeling, felt happy and truly wish for their happiness from the bottom of my heart. But this time she actually is younger than me a lot. So I don't think I'm her Mr Right, which is why I try to seal this feeling of mine AGAIN. Yeah AGAIN!! Hahaha!! Plus she seems to like another guy as well. Welp, can't really help right?

Well I guess is the end of my bullshit here. 

I don't know when will be the next time but anyway, don't expect much!

Stay tune!!


それじゃ～～


また後ぜ～～


世界を平和でありますようにぜ～～

Is hard to be strict toward others and an outing with SR

Sup people? Ryo is back again with some stuff to write.

It's been like half a month I guess since I stop writing.

A lot of things happen, a lot of misunderstand has been clear up, and I finally put down that feeling of mine toward her hmm...

Can't really remember any huge happening lately just that I know a lot of stuff is happening.

One of it is that is my first time being strict to my SR lately.

One of it I have no idea whether he has the heart to stay in this company or not, since I always ask him stuff he said he forgotten but after 2-3 chance I gave him told him to go back and do some revision but in the end he gave me shit!

One of it keep on forgetting about stuff. After giving him some lesson he could remember, then after some time I teach him other stuff and once he remember the stuff I teach him recently, he forgot about the stuff that I teach him last time. 

Some of them keep on taking leave or sick leave too frequent and I have no choice but start to set a lot of rules and punishment. Because among one of it actually manage to buy those sick certificate and take a fake sick leave. I heard from a lot of people around her but couldn't manage to find a solid prove to prove this is true.

I never been this strict to anyone and I guess this is my job as a guy who need to manage his underling properly I guess. Sometime to be honest is quite sad when I start to scold them. It's not like I'm saying it with loud voice but I'm actually ARE scolding them in a sense and when I did that they couldn't say anything and the face of them is obviously that they're afraid of me.

I guess this is my last resort because people always say, when they treat us good they couldn't appreciate but when we start to treat them bad they started to regret or sometime blame us. I guess this is how we manage other. There're no 100% perfect or good, in the end those who can withstand will stay and those who couldn't will leave.

As for two days ago which is my day off I actually went out with my SR. Two of the girls invited me to go out with them and I think I might be bored so I invited another boy with me. Went for some arcade session and movie session. What really caught my own surprise is that I actually watch horror movie. Those who know me knows that I WON'T watch horror. But this time is because the girls wanted to watch "IT" while the boys want to watch "Hitman Bodyguard". In the end I'm worry if I just leave the two girls alone so I have to join them with the other boy. But turn out in the end that the movie is not that scary. But this outing I tell them that they can't let others know because I'm afraid that if the others know they will start to think that I'm being unfair to the others if I didn't take them out next time. Is hard being a trainer who's trying to stay as neutral huh.

I guess this is it for this post. 

I couldn't think of anything else to write nor share.

Until next time then I guess.

Stay tune!!


それじゃ～～


また後ぜ～～


世界を平和でありますようにぜ～～

Just trying to let out my own pressure in my own way

Yo it's Ryo in the house again.
Man oh man somehow I just feel like typing words again so here I am.

Madoka finally release it's mobage! I'm super excited and furious cause I couldn't manage to draw Madoka for myself but it's fine cause I still can get it in the future but who knows suddenly my phone couldn't update anymore! It says my phone is not compatible for this game! Sigh.... My mood went from sky high to ground zero...

Nothing much to update actually but just recently work wise, I'm starting to get close with my own teammate which is good I believe. Who know when the time comes for me to leave I might actually feel heavy and sad. But still, a lot of shit happen. Even though I manage to get close with some of my colleague which I thought impossible in the past, I still have to put on some mask when interacting with other people. I don't know how long my heart can take this frankly speaking, I mean my heart is really tiring but I don't feel like saying out to other. Someone might read my blog but still I really don't feel like speaking out my heart content. I'm sorry for that, cause this is me, most of the time i rather keep it to myself.

One of my teammate which is quite close compare to other called me last two days and say he saw his ex is going to marry and he is very shocked and heartbroken. I'm like wow... I'm not in a very good position as well and suddenly such conversation come to me. I mean even now I still have feeling for her and I'm trying my best to forget bout this feeling. And somehow lately a lot of people from my company come to me and tell me things that they kept inside their heart which of course is some complaint or things they kept in heart. I can only say lately I'm been listening to a lot of such word and I'm getting quite emotion, sad emotion only. I know I'm a good listener but still, I'm not a superhuman so if I take too much such word I think one day I might broke down cause myself is facing quite some problem as well. I'm happy that someone wanted to come to me and tell me their problem, but I can't handle too much at such short time man.

One thing for sure this is not suicide note or anything bad. I just write it out cause I don't want to let other knows, is a type of letting my stress out I believe. For those who read and worry bout me, thank you and don't worry, I'm still strong and alive and I have Jesus with me so I won't do anything stupid really.

Well, done letting my stress out and I felt relieve a bit.
Till the next time and I hope it'll become some normal dairy without such emotional event.


Stay tune!!


それじゃ～～


また後ぜ～～


世界を平和でありますようにぜ～～

Random daily post (AGAIN)

What sup people?
It's Ryo here writing about my daily stuff again!
Let's see what to write now hmm....

My most superb moment this year, day 2 of AMG 2017! Even though I only went for day 2.
This year some of the member couldn't make it cause out of cash, but a new member has join the group. Is me, my cousin and her only in the end. This church member of mine which no one expect she to be a fan of ACG. She was super happy and excited for the whole day, and I'm glad she actually enjoy it. At first I didn't plan to stay for the whole day but who knows D.watts from IOSYS is performing for the closing ceremony! Well obviously I'm gonna stay till the end at this point right?
His performance was very good, his choices of song and such. But no one expect him to play for 2 whole hours! Thanks to someone who actually told him to perform that much haha!! He played a lot of macross song, touhou of course, anisong and some clubbing song. And his choice for ending is Ai wo Oboete masu ka? wow holy! This time I joined with Sam and his friends, really had an amazing time that day. They were Otage-ing with light stick ( aka light stick dance ) I manage to borrow one from his friend and well, otage! Did some crazy stuff cause everyone got so high that time. Really I had a really wonderful time that day. Somehow this year for the touhou matsuri is not as good as previous year but well, nothing much to say anymore about AMG cause I forgot most of the happening.
Oh and I manage to saw Suki with her boyfriend that day, and well... I guess I still have feeling or her but who cares. Even though I still chat with her everyday now but nothing much to talk about it either.

Last two week of Sunday went for a family trip cause my aunt and her family from Vienna came back for summer vacation. Went to Sekinchan with my aunt's family and my mother's friend. Is a very big group that day. First time having conversation with my cousin from Vienna, actually I'm having a bit of hard time to understand her cause her English is still kinda poor, but I hope the next time I'm can understand her better.

Finally can bring Ryu to my place again after half a year. Because since I change to this job I have to work in weekend, which is why I can't bring him here anymore. But since his test finish earlier can he have a week off so why not. On Wednesday went to 1 Utama for arcade while my mum went for movie on her own. Played Taiko. Groove Coaster and Sound Voltex. My skill really has rusted cause I stop for some months already.... I need to improve my skill again to conquer some hard difficulty song.

Work wise hmm... Still not enjoying this work. Even though I;m having some great time sometime with my teammate, I mean we can really laugh and talk cock sometime but still I can't really enjoy the work. Is very relaxing when there's nothing much to do but still... I just can't enjoy it totally. Sometime I have to put on some mask when I met with different people and to be honest it's really tiring. I tell myself have to pull myself out at most by next January!

And I never expect that I expose myself that I fall for Suki I'm like WTF!? Thanks to one of my teammate I actually expose myself my gosh! In the end when going for this month team building gathering with the trainer team I got tease a lot there. It's not a bad thing actually but still is kinda annoying.. Thanks to that from time to time I got tease by them....

And while I'm writing this my head really hurt as fuck even though I slept quite early these past days. I guess I overwork myself huh....

Can't really think of what to write anymore so I guess I should stop here. Even though I have a lot to say but it's really time to stop.

Stay tuned I guess!


それじゃ～～


また後ぜ～～


世界を平和でありますようにぜ～～

I felt useless sometime....

Yo it's your writer Ryo here!
Why am I even here today...
People always say that when your post got higher the more stress you'll get.
No worries I'm not the one getting these stresses.
My friend who introduce me to OPPO is the one getting these stresses...
I guess night is the time when we can have heart to heart talk most of the time..
Because I'm this type of people and I guess the same goes for others.
Every big company will have politic problem, what's worst now the company I'm in is in war..
War of wining the power, the right of controlling the trainer team.
This is one of the reason my friend is in stress... Teammate that are still not stable, too much bad rumors about my friend..
I'm kinda felt useless myself cause what I can only do is to listen to him...
I can't really help him much even I want to...
What I can do in other hand is to pray for him, I really hope my prayer could at least help him even though is not much...

I'm not whining or complaining really, I'm just felt useless now...
I guess this is life right? Social life, competitive life, reality life...
Since Saturday my heart start to felt very tired and I'm trying to find a way to overcome it...
But then the first Monday without her I really don't like this...
I'm not as sad and down as yesterday but still I need time to get up from this...

I don't know what should I write anymore nor what am I even writing so I guess I stop here for today...


Stay tune...


それじゃ～～


また後ぜ～～


世界を平和でありますようにぜ～～

What am I even doing, It's time to move on again I guess

Yo once again is Ryo here!
Hmm....
I really didn't expect someone will read my blog like seriously didn't expect it..
But I guess because he reads it so I can finally meet up with him and have a heart to heart talk..

Anyway... My heart is really tired now... Like I said she have the person she like and they're together now! WOW!! YEAH!!! sigh.... I just found out that when my heart is tired I treat people around me really nice.. Maybe just a way to make myself feel better...

What worse today got asked by my SR (Sale Representative) how many girl I'd been dating through out my life...  Right after I get rejected yesterday.. WOOOWWW!!! BURN!!!! Then suddenly the other SR said " I think you're suitable to go for gay, and you're more to *uke" *Since she's a fujoushi, uke means the boy who get fucked by other boy* WOWWWWWW!!! BUUURRRNNNN!!!! Then suddenly she want to compare me with other five colleagues who's the most handsome. I know I;m not good looking, I got rated at fifth place, and she said because I'm good to them so I got fifth, if I'm bad to them I will be the last place... WWWWWWOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!! BBBBBUUUURRRRNNNN!!!! Three arrow pierce through my heart this evening... Wow man... Really... I don't know what am I going through now... I can only say my heart is very very tired now...

Of course I know I'll get tell "don't be so sad and go find another girl" for those who will read my blog... Just that... It's the third girl now and I still couldn't date her.... People might say my time hasn't come yet, she's not meant for you or such... Yeah yeah I get it but still a scar is a scar... It's not that easy to get rid of it.... I couldn't really shed my tear previously at the second girl but this third girl actually make me shed my tear... What's worst I only know her for 3 months and actually start to notice her and chat with her everyday a week before she left OPPO which is after 2 and the half months... I couldn't really understand how do I even fall for her this deep for only 1 week plus? I mean I start to chat with her everyday since 1 weeks ago I think and I fall for her... Confess after a week and got rejected and actually cry for it!? Wow really? Is it because my desire to date a girl is this strong or I just want to date anyone? I don't know really I don't know.... What am I even doing?

In the end just now we're having a conversation a moment ago I tell her shit such as " go live a happy life with that guy, I'll wait for you, I really want to give you happiness with my own hand " And again really? I tell a girl which is dating a guy she likes these shit? Really what am I even thinking!? I know I said this because I really don't want her to get hurt from the bottom of my heart. She suffered a lot from her past, and that guy she's dating now from what I heard from she herself that he fall for her when he's still dating with another girl.. It might be very harsh to say but it does seems like she's the third person who break them... But this is also because of her past, she will just accept the person as long as the person love her and accept her no matter how bad the person is? Really what am I even saying?

In the end I just told her to delete our conversation because this conversation will definitely make that guy angry... Now I can only wish her to get her own happiness even though I couldn't give her one... And really from the bottom of my heart I truly wish that you won't have to suffer anymore... I'll find a way to get out of this shit... I know I can't always be like this... So no worries for those who will read my blog, don't worry about me... I can get up this time! I must get up this time! Be myself and wish the first girl (Karen), the second girl (Irene), and her (Suki) to live happily this time and this is their happiness! Once again I say it here :


I love you, Suki! I really do....


それじゃ～～


また後ぜ～～


世界を平和でありますようにぜ～～

I got rejected... again....

Hey it's Ryo here,
I've been writing for three days including today huh?
It's a really rare sight I suppose.
As my title says... Yup... I got rejected again... Third time I suppose... I said it in the last two post I know I'll get rejected but I just never expect to happen THIS fast...

We chat and suddenly I just.. confess... for some reason... Then we started to chat in Japanese then she says a lot of bad stuff about herself and stuff.. I won't say it out what's the bad stuff cause is her privacy. But of course no matter how bad she is I'll accept everything bout her.. But still the main reason is as I said there's other guy reside in her heart... She doesn't want me to waste my time on her...

Those who knows me know that once I fall for other no matter how hard I got reject I will still wait... The same thing happen previously... It happened twice and I still couldn't learn this lesson... I guess the same thing will happen as well this time... Who knows what will happen after given some time... I might forget this feeling, or I get to wait for her... Sigh... Really what am I even doing now.....

It might be some punishment for hurting my first love very very very very bad.... I used about 2 years to really completely forget about her... Even though sometime I will still dream bout her, the past, when we're still studying... I mean we never even been together but our relationship is above friend but couldn't be a couple... Even did stuff which only a couple would do... Those sweet yet bitter memory... What am I even saying now? Somehow it turned into a sad flashback....

I actually used more than a year to chase her last time, got rejected again and again and again and again but I just couldn't give up that time. Even though I always get reject but our action and relationship is really above friends. All the people around us always mistake us as a couple, and she always says NO! That... really hurt.... The only way for me to give up is after she get herself a boyfriend which is now her husband... Another few months to completely forget about her.. I mean of course there stuff happened within this period which I actually posted about it in this blog...

One of my mistake that time I used another girl to make myself to forget bout her... How? I tried to chase after this second love of mine while I still chasing the first love.. In the end I got my punishment so hard that this second love of mine found herself her boyfriend... All these punishment and karma I guess... This might be my reason why I couldn't find myself a person to love till now.. Always get rejected and always the girl I fall for there's others already reside in their heart...

I really don't know what am I even doing now... I'm afraid to fall for someone because it'll always end up this way... Which is why for the past 5 years I've been living a single life... I'm not like the other guys who carve for a girl... Their body.... I just.... want to love someone with all my might and hope that the one I'm in love accept my love....

Really what am I even saying? What am I even doing.... All these bullshit I post now.... I hope the next time when I read this post in the future, I can find myself my other half and laugh like shit and say " Wow! What am I even doing last time? HAHAHA!! " I really hope that day could come...

Well... I should stop whining and hope tomorrow will be a better day... I guess I can say it right here  since no one will even want to read my blog... Well yeah since I don't let other read it except for her... Though I don't think she'll read it as well....



I love you , Suki.... I really do... If there's a chance for us to be together I would really cherish you and love you with all my heart... IF... There's a chance....



それじゃ～～


また後ぜ～～


世界を平和でありますようにぜ～～