What am I even doing, It's time to move on again I guess

Yo once again is Ryo here!
Hmm....
I really didn't expect someone will read my blog like seriously didn't expect it..
But I guess because he reads it so I can finally meet up with him and have a heart to heart talk..

Anyway... My heart is really tired now... Like I said she have the person she like and they're together now! WOW!! YEAH!!! sigh.... I just found out that when my heart is tired I treat people around me really nice.. Maybe just a way to make myself feel better...

What worse today got asked by my SR (Sale Representative) how many girl I'd been dating through out my life...  Right after I get rejected yesterday.. WOOOWWW!!! BURN!!!! Then suddenly the other SR said " I think you're suitable to go for gay, and you're more to *uke" *Since she's a fujoushi, uke means the boy who get fucked by other boy* WOWWWWWW!!! BUUURRRNNNN!!!! Then suddenly she want to compare me with other five colleagues who's the most handsome. I know I;m not good looking, I got rated at fifth place, and she said because I'm good to them so I got fifth, if I'm bad to them I will be the last place... WWWWWWOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!! BBBBBUUUURRRRNNNN!!!! Three arrow pierce through my heart this evening... Wow man... Really... I don't know what am I going through now... I can only say my heart is very very tired now...

Of course I know I'll get tell "don't be so sad and go find another girl" for those who will read my blog... Just that... It's the third girl now and I still couldn't date her.... People might say my time hasn't come yet, she's not meant for you or such... Yeah yeah I get it but still a scar is a scar... It's not that easy to get rid of it.... I couldn't really shed my tear previously at the second girl but this third girl actually make me shed my tear... What's worst I only know her for 3 months and actually start to notice her and chat with her everyday a week before she left OPPO which is after 2 and the half months... I couldn't really understand how do I even fall for her this deep for only 1 week plus? I mean I start to chat with her everyday since 1 weeks ago I think and I fall for her... Confess after a week and got rejected and actually cry for it!? Wow really? Is it because my desire to date a girl is this strong or I just want to date anyone? I don't know really I don't know.... What am I even doing?

In the end just now we're having a conversation a moment ago I tell her shit such as " go live a happy life with that guy, I'll wait for you, I really want to give you happiness with my own hand " And again really? I tell a girl which is dating a guy she likes these shit? Really what am I even thinking!? I know I said this because I really don't want her to get hurt from the bottom of my heart. She suffered a lot from her past, and that guy she's dating now from what I heard from she herself that he fall for her when he's still dating with another girl.. It might be very harsh to say but it does seems like she's the third person who break them... But this is also because of her past, she will just accept the person as long as the person love her and accept her no matter how bad the person is? Really what am I even saying?

In the end I just told her to delete our conversation because this conversation will definitely make that guy angry... Now I can only wish her to get her own happiness even though I couldn't give her one... And really from the bottom of my heart I truly wish that you won't have to suffer anymore... I'll find a way to get out of this shit... I know I can't always be like this... So no worries for those who will read my blog, don't worry about me... I can get up this time! I must get up this time! Be myself and wish the first girl (Karen), the second girl (Irene), and her (Suki) to live happily this time and this is their happiness! Once again I say it here :


I love you, Suki! I really do....


それじゃ～～


また後ぜ～～


世界を平和でありますようにぜ～～