Hey it's Ryo here,
I've been writing for three days including today huh?
It's a really rare sight I suppose.
As my title says... Yup... I got rejected again... Third time I suppose... I said it in the last two post I know I'll get rejected but I just never expect to happen THIS fast...
We chat and suddenly I just.. confess... for some reason... Then we started to chat in Japanese then she says a lot of bad stuff about herself and stuff.. I won't say it out what's the bad stuff cause is her privacy. But of course no matter how bad she is I'll accept everything bout her.. But still the main reason is as I said there's other guy reside in her heart... She doesn't want me to waste my time on her...
Those who knows me know that once I fall for other no matter how hard I got reject I will still wait... The same thing happen previously... It happened twice and I still couldn't learn this lesson... I guess the same thing will happen as well this time... Who knows what will happen after given some time... I might forget this feeling, or I get to wait for her... Sigh... Really what am I even doing now.....
It might be some punishment for hurting my first love very very very very bad.... I used about 2 years to really completely forget about her... Even though sometime I will still dream bout her, the past, when we're still studying... I mean we never even been together but our relationship is above friend but couldn't be a couple... Even did stuff which only a couple would do... Those sweet yet bitter memory... What am I even saying now? Somehow it turned into a sad flashback....
I actually used more than a year to chase her last time, got rejected again and again and again and again but I just couldn't give up that time. Even though I always get reject but our action and relationship is really above friends. All the people around us always mistake us as a couple, and she always says NO! That... really hurt.... The only way for me to give up is after she get herself a boyfriend which is now her husband... Another few months to completely forget about her.. I mean of course there stuff happened within this period which I actually posted about it in this blog...
One of my mistake that time I used another girl to make myself to forget bout her... How? I tried to chase after this second love of mine while I still chasing the first love.. In the end I got my punishment so hard that this second love of mine found herself her boyfriend... All these punishment and karma I guess... This might be my reason why I couldn't find myself a person to love till now.. Always get rejected and always the girl I fall for there's others already reside in their heart...
I really don't know what am I even doing now... I'm afraid to fall for someone because it'll always end up this way... Which is why for the past 5 years I've been living a single life... I'm not like the other guys who carve for a girl... Their body.... I just.... want to love someone with all my might and hope that the one I'm in love accept my love....
Really what am I even saying? What am I even doing.... All these bullshit I post now.... I hope the next time when I read this post in the future, I can find myself my other half and laugh like shit and say " Wow! What am I even doing last time? HAHAHA!! " I really hope that day could come...
Well... I should stop whining and hope tomorrow will be a better day... I guess I can say it right here since no one will even want to read my blog... Well yeah since I don't let other read it except for her... Though I don't think she'll read it as well....
I love you , Suki.... I really do... If there's a chance for us to be together I would really cherish you and love you with all my heart... IF... There's a chance....
それじゃ~~
また後ぜ~~
世界を平和でありますようにぜ~~
*watching you gesture* XD
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